


One big, beautiful bouquet of fuck you.

by pxlnareff



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphyne centric, Alphynecentric, F/F, Florist AU, Florist/Botanist Alphys, Gay!!!!, Human AU, its real gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7241233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxlnareff/pseuds/pxlnareff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alphys is a botanist that owns a tiny local florist shop. Undyne needs a good way to tell some guy in her crossfit class that he can go fuck himself. Gay ensues</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foxgloves for Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Gay!!!! It's all gay!!! Gay and with lots of flowers!!!

Botanist, florist, highly unappreciated professions. To Alphys at least. She owned a small local floral arrangement shop. When business was bad (a common occurrence) She hid her laptop behind the counter and streamed anime until a customer showed their face. Today was no different, she was practically blasting through season 2 of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. The bright, J-pop opening was cut short by a tall, redheaded woman crashing through the door and skidding to the counter.  
"Quick!! How do I passive aggressively say 'Fuck you' in flower??" The woman shouted, fists pounding on the counter in her... Enthusiasm?  
Whatever it was Alphys couldn't help but giggle.  
"F-f-fuck you. I-in flower?" She snickered, raising a brow at the much taller woman.  
Undyne nodded, "I gotta tell this guy who's been hitting on me that he can fuck off," she explained, propping her elbows up on the counter.  
Alphys shook her head, but shrugged.  
"Well, you're gonna want some foxglove, to start. Those mean Insecurity.  
Next some germanium, those are for stupidity. Meadowsweet for uselessness and yellow carnations, which mean 'You have disappointed me'. Last, orange lillies. Those.. Uh.. Mean, hatred. Eh heh.." Alphys peered up at the taller woman, dark skin flushing ever so slightly.  
"Sorry, I probably just rambled a lot.." She glanced to one side, nibbling her lower lip.  
"No! Those are perfect!! Can I get those like, asap?" Undyne was beaming from ear to ear, palms pressed flat against the counter.  
"O-oh!! Of course! Let me, uh. Get those for you... Heh." Alphys turned away from Undyne to begin on the arrangement.  
"So, uh. Besides trying to hit on you. What did this guy do to you?" Alphys asked, barely looking back at Undyne who was digging her wallet out of her pocket rather aggressively.  
"Oh, uh. He told me I was pretty for a girl who did crossfit. So. Fuck that guy." She chuckled, running her free hand through her long, flaming ponytail.  
"Oh! I completely understand that then! I hate when people give backhanded compliments like that. Misogynistic too. Gross..."  
Undyne nodded.  
"So, next workout. Which is later tonight. I'm gonna present him with a lovely bouquet of Go Fuck Yourself Buddy."  
Alphys peered back at her, bursting into a fit of laughter.  
"K-kill em with kindness, huh?" She asked, covering her mouth with her free hand as she laughed.  
"No!! Kill him literally if he keeps hitting on me!!" She huffed, folding her arms.  
"I've even told him that I'm a huge lesbian but appar-e-fucking-ntly, that's the hardest shit to understand!"


	2. Cue motivational montage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is.. 6 months overdue   
> I'm so bad at fan fiction  
> I'm sorry this is so late but please enjoy!!
> 
> It's also gay and time for 10/10 best friend advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gay

"A girl, hm?" Mettaton bit back a smile, "Did you give her the bouquet?"   
"Of course! Sh-she's a customer, I had to."  
"And if she comes in again...?" He asked, peering down at her, smirk evident on his face. Alphys paused, "W-what if.. Oh god, what if she does come in again?? What do I do oh my god, what do I-"  
"Hush, dearest," He cut in, holding up his hand. "I'll tell you what you'll do. If you're really that into this girl, give her a flower. An orchid maybe, pink roses, even yellow tulips."  
Alphys shook her head, bouncing curls nearly whacking Mettaton.   
"I- I can't give her flowers! Especially not yellow tulips! What if she doesn't like me?? What if she's allergic to flowers? I'm not giving her a flower!"   
"First, I'm sure she adores you, dear. What's not to love about you? Second, if she comes in again, at least try to make conversation with her. Promise to try?" He jutted his lower lip out in a heavy pout.   
"Yeah, yeah. I promise to try. If she comes back!" Alphys gave a firm nod. "And stop with the dumb face," she laughed, shoving him lightly.  
___________________

"Wowie! She sounds wonderful, Undyne!" Papyrus beamed, patting her shoulder.  
"Pap.." she groaned.  
"I barely even know her, besides, she may not even like girls!"  
He nodded in careful consideration, going over their options. 

"Well. Go back and tell her the flowers and the angry note worked, and go from there, or. You could go back and ask for her to make another bouquet, this time for someone el-"   
He was cut off with a swift pillow tossed at his chest, from where Undyne lay clutching another pillow to her face. The poor pillow looked like it was going to rip at the seams...   
Papyrus sighed. "Well, what's your idea?" 

She peeked out from beneath the pillow. "Muerte."

"Death isn't an option, Undyne!! You must face this head on! Romance is challenging you and you're just going to give up and die??" 

She sprung up, throwing the pillow down. "Challenge?? Does this wimpy 'Romance' shit thing I can't kick it's ass?? HAH!! I'll show it!! I'll sweep her off her feet, I'll romance her so hard she won't even know what happened!!"

Papyrus took a tentative step back. "Perhaps you should go to the shop then. Tomorrow, that is."  
She nodded, hair sticking out every which way. "First thing tomorrow I'm gonna be at this shop, ready to punch romance in the fucking FACE!!"


End file.
